The following are several short stories which we have included that will
perhaps reduce your daily stress. Laughter is one of the things that can help do wonders. We have
read stories of people who have with "laughter" brought themselves back to wellness. In this materialistic world
with most everyone focusing on material things, everything and everyone is too serious. Lighten up. De-stress
yourself. These are all in fun and are not intended to poke fun at anyone.
High Cost
A man comes hurriedly into the vets office carrying his limp dog in his arms. "I need some help" he says,
"I do not know what the problem is with my dog". The vet takes the limp dog and places it on the
exam table and proceeds to examine the dog. He turns to the man and says "Sir, I'm sorry to say but your
dog has died."
The man obviously greatly upset, says "I want another opinion." Whereupon the vet goes out and brings in a
cat whom he places on the table with the dog. The cat sniffs the dog from nose to tail, looks
up at the vet and "meows". The vet says to the man "The cat says your dog has died".
The man wants still another opinion, so the vet goes out and brings in a black
Labrador who checks out
the dog again from nose to tail. After sniffing the dog he looks up at the vet and barks once. The vet
turns to the man and says "The dog also says your dog has died." With that the man reluctantly asks the
vet "OK, how much do I owe you?". The vet says "that will be $650.00". "What" the man says, "just to tell
me my dog has died?" The vet says "Well, I
would have charged you only $50 for my initial diagnosis, but the cat scan and lab tests cost $600.00".
Twenty Years
It seems that when the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20
years of normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge.
Then the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20 years. 'But I don't need 20 years,' said the
Monkey. 'Ten years is plenty.' Man spoke up and said, 'May I have the other 10 years?' The Monkey
agreed.
The Lord called the Lion next and also gave him 20 good years. The Lion also only wanted 10, so again
Man spoke up, 'May I have your other ten years?' 'Of course,' said the Lion.
Then came the Donkey, who was also granted 20 years. Like the others, 10 was more than enough. Man
again asked for the spare ten years, and he got them.
This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion
'bout it, and 10 years of making an ass out of himself.
The Power of Education
A mother mouse and her three children crept out of their hole into the kitchen and began feasting on some
delicious bits of food. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Mother Mouse saw a cat slinking toward
them. The cat was between the mice and their hole. The mother mouse puffed up her lungs and went "Woof!
Woof!" The cat turned tail and ran.
With that, the mother quickly led her children back to safety in their hole. When they were settled,
and breathing normally, Mother Mouse said to her children, "Now, what's the lesson from that experience?"
"We don't know," the baby mice squeaked.
"It is this," said Mom Mouse. "It's always good to know a second language."
The Lantern
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the
doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this
high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put
the lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that
lantern, young man...It seems there's yet another one besides!"
cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the
doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attracting' them?"
Shorts Ones
1) Neurotic - Someone who builds castles in the sky.
Psychotic - Someone who lives in those castles.
Psychotherapist - The one who collects the rent.
2) "If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we
have phone bills?"
3) A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his
morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I
found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou
written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an
explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when
I was at the races? That was the name of the horse I bet on."
The next morning his wife sneaked up again and whacked him.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your horse called last night."
Overworked
For a couple of months I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much
pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired
because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 18 million. 8
million are retired. That leaves 10 million to do the work. There are 6
million in school, which leaves 4 million to do the work.
Of this there are 1.5 million unemployed , leaving 2.5 million to do the
work. Take from that 1,180,000 people who work for government departments
and that leaves 1,320,000 people to do the work. 480,000 are in the armed
forces, which leaves 840,000 to do the work.
At any time, there are 179,000 people in hospitals, leaving 661,000 people
to do the work.
At the moment, there are 660,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two
people to do the work. You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes!
We will add more as time goes on.
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